Friday, June 19, 2009
TGIF.........or not

Posting less in blogger now, considering I use LJ more often(HAH, no one knows my LJ)






My patience is seriously being stretched to the limits. I try to ignore, try to brush it off. Everytime when I feel like lashing out at you after what you DO to me, I will tell myself to stay calm. I will think of how Jesus acted, when he was being proseuted, tortured, condemned by the rest of the world. He did not retailate, even though he had the power to. Instead, he prayed for them. He prayed for his enemies, asking for forgivness on their behalf. That is what I have been doing. I tell myself, you don't know anything, you don't know what you have done wrong.... but there is honestly a limit to my patience. Have you no respect for me at all? Do you want me to drop dead and die the very next day(God help me,please, no.) then you will come to your senses and feel guilty but by that time it would already be too late? I try to control my anger, try to relax. Of course I forgive. Because God would want me to do that. And If Jesus could do that to SO many people, and YET, still willingly suffer and shed his precious blood for us, I can forgive you too. For you are just one person. But, does that mean I should suffer in silence and let you abuse me? FYI, it is actually called VERBAL abuse. I could call the police on you. But I won't. For God would not want me to do that either. Honestly, I am sick and tired of suffering in silence. I know that only He knows my pain and suffering, but oh God, if you would only make it stop? To think I keep you in my prayers every night. Without fail. Hoping that you might change. Hoping that you might actually accept the Lord, and save your soul. What I really want to say to you is. You can go rot in h*** for all I care. And I stop. Stop praying. Stop hoping, and having faith that you would change and get your soul saved.

But I won't. You need not thank me for that, for I am sure you never will. Unless you find my blog, which is highly impossible, unless I die. (then you would probably read this) I will still keep on doing so. Angry, hurt as I am I still will. Not only because it is the right thing to do, but I care. I do care because no one should be going down to you-know-where. I certainly do not want you to be suffering for an eternity when you only caused me.. let see, 15 years of pain and grief and still counting?

It is not fair, isn't it?















P.S the Christian Music Diet really is working! Praise God. Now I totally get Pastor Greg and Pastor Chris(LOL, he is super funny!) preachings.