Monday, April 27, 2009
Sick?

I think I am falling sick. I feel hot all over, my throat itches, I have a cough, a pounding headache and a tummy ache.


I pray that I won't fall sick cos MYEs are in two days time... well, one day actually, because it is only 2 more hours to tuesday....





GOD, HELP ME, PLEASE!!!!!

Saturday, April 25, 2009
Slacker

I spent half the night slacking.... Better start studying now.

Thursday, April 23, 2009
Broken hearted

What the choir teachers said made sense. It is a wonder we still manage to get a silver. It is not the singing, but the adittude of the members. Hopefully, things will change for the better.

So stressed and tired. I really don't know how to continue because I really find it hard to coordinate my time because my time is always spent on hmwk, hmwk, hmwk. I can't even study and that is very frightening cos my MYEs are next week. And I still have to go for CCA because I do feel obliged to. Like, what kind of example am I setting if I don't go, just because I have MYEs the very next day? I mean, so what? Other people also have exams and they are still going. But I really am afraid of failing for my exams because I feel so unprepared. I have yet to study for one single subject. Well, I manage to study a little of chem and bio today, but I doubt it can stay in my mind because my memory sucks when it comes to remembering things that are study-related. I really really don't want to fail.


Even a criminal gets to go on trial, but why are you condemning me when you have yet to give me the chance to prove myself of my capabilities. Am I that useless to you? Can't you spare a thought for my feelings? And why are you even judging me? Only God has the right to do that but you are not Him(far from Him, in fact) so why are you judging me? Stop telling me what I CAN'T do before I have even tried. Spare a thought for my feelings, please.

Monday, April 20, 2009
Lost soul

How do you try to change something that cannot be changed? How do you hide your disappoinment from others, because they are depending on you to be strong? How can you not feel sad, even though the results were crystal clear?

It has all eventually come to an end. To say I did not cry, did not feel upset, did not feel disappointment would be a big fat lie. Maybe we aren't ready, maybe we overdone it. However, it is over. Moving on is not an option. Though how can we really move on? I know the mature atitude would be to smile and move on, saying that SYF is JUST a competition and getting gold/silver/bronze is just a title and does not and will not stop us from singing, but, seriously, who am I F****** kiding? Of course, it is thus true that we should not let SYF deter us from who we really are, but no one can deny the heavy disappointment we all feel. It DOES matter. In the end, what we get DOES matter, to a certain extend because it changes how people sees us, how we feel, our standard. To get a gold means we have improved, and it will definitely make us feel good. The school would change its opinion on us. We will no longer be looked down upon.

The worst part is, how do you even face your peers, especially they are all so eager to know what the result is? How do you even answer them, without throwing a crying fit? How do you even focus on MYEs now. How do you even do the CD recording when everyone is so upset that, be it sub-consciously or consciously, no one is going to sing well? How do you even handle the truth, the truth that hurts so very much?


I will get over this. WE will get over this. It is only the matter of time.







The question is, how long does it take for the wound to heal? Even so, there will always be a scar(just like the ones on my back and heart)

Sunday, April 19, 2009
The last battle

AHH!!!!! I am freaking out right now.











AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Dear God, Please help us.

Friday, April 17, 2009
Hang in there!

Hang in there, we can do it... I hope. SYF is in a few days' time and I really hope we can make it. The session with Mr Lim, though short, has been very helpful and insipiring. I just looked at the MYE timetable and realised the first two papers are on wednesday, not friday as i first thought. Which equals to lesser time to study, and I will most probably end up failing subjects like, A-math, SS...


For the first time in my life, I actually passed E-math! Got 13/20. Actually, I got 14, but minus one mark because of goodnees-knows-what. Well, I am just satisfied that I didn't fail, and tabulating all the previous marks, I actually passed my CA. Can't say the same for A-math though....

Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Happy Birthday

Yay, it is my birthday today. Got a few presents from my friends and family. Shall not post pictures up yet as I really cannot spare the time. I need to go on a haitus soon. Sigh, MYEs are around the corner and I have yet to study yet. It is hard, plus, SYF is right before MYEs! Which is one week away, SYF, I mean. Wait, I meant LESS than one week.

I really pray that we can get GOLD. work hard, people.

Thursday, April 9, 2009
trying to hang on

My life sucks. I am so stressed out I can hardly think straight. Tests and homework are piling up one after another, and SYF is taking control of my life, not to mention SJWP. Even after SYF, its MYE so there is no time for a break or a breather even. I flunked the A math test today, considering a whole 6 marks have flown away, not to mention more. I have to prevent myself from breaking down by taking deep breathes and calm myself down. I am just so busy that I want time for myself and I just don't! Even if I am not breaking down now, I will be.

Soon.

If this persists.

Saturday, April 4, 2009
What will I do without You?

This is bad. I am having a sore throat and I am losing my voice. It sounds REALLY sexy now. With it being raspy and everything. And SYF is just weeks away, I can't afford to fall sick now. Especially when there is sectional tomorrow and a WHOLE load of tests. Not that I will mind not taking the tests, I still have to stay back and complete them.





I think I am going to stop caring anymore. I don't know why I am even bothered by you when you apparantly don't know of my existence. So long.

Thursday, April 2, 2009
As if I need more of this

My mother and brother were fighting just now. As if I am not already vexed enough, I have to come home to some small petty squabble. Should I say you are really a pot calling the kettle black? Yes, you totally are. BOTH of you.




Some things are really not conveinent to be mentioned in the blog(considering it is a public place and everyone can read what you write and all....) but I am so pissed(not at the choir, I know no matter how hard I try, nothing is going to change at all) but at other stuff.... Like really really offended and pissed. GRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!

SYF

AAAHHHHHH!!!!! SYF in two weeks time. SO freaking out right now. It's kind of clear based on the discipline of the choir what kind of result we will get already. Sorry, I am not being pessmisstic, but I am being honest. Our conductor IS right. With the current discipline, we will never acheive a gold. Gah. I am so sick and tired of going 'SSSHHHHHHH!!!!!' every single time we stop singing. Cos the choir, not just my section, can't seem to SHUT UP. I feel like it is a one man's battle, cos I really do not feel the unity in choir. I mean, there is the junior-senior senior problem(s) and discipline problems... How to get gold?

Only time will tell.